Ideas for Parents in Dealing with
Traumatic Events
Traumatic events can leave us feeling overwhelmed by sadness, anger and fears
for our own and others’ safety. Here are some suggestions for you as
you talk about traumatic events at home:
- Stay calm yourself. Children's and adolescents’ fears and anxieties
can be increased if the significant adults in their lives are seen as unable
to deal with their own fears. Calm adult responses and reassurances
in the face of these events can go a long way to helping children cope.
- Consider your child’s age when talking about these events. Young
children are at a vulnerable age in that they have limited resources and
skills to handle anxiety and fears. Discussions should be short and
simple, with an emphasis on assuring them that they are safe. Adolescents
will need more opportunities to talk about their feelings and concerns.
Listen to them and respond seriously to their thoughts.
- The primary need of children and adolescents is to feel safe and secure.
Let your children know that it is normal to be afraid and that adults worry
too. Communicate that you want them to tell you when they feel scared
or worried so you can talk together about it. Reassure them that they
are safe and secure and that their school is a safe place to be. For
young children, don’t provide more information than they want or need.
Limit their exposure to graphic TV coverage. Communicate that you are willing
to talk with them but also protect them from a flood of images and information
that will make their fears worse. If older children and adolescents
seem to be avoiding talking about it, ask them about it and invite them to
share their feelings and worries with you.
- Stay with everyday routines. All of us find safety in the predictable.
- Provide your children and adolescents with an outlet for their anxiety
and fears. Helping them focus on what they can do will lessen their sense
of powerlessness. Brainstorm ideas for helping them cope with fears,
e.g., talk to you or another trusted adult (be sure they have phone numbers
of people they can call), draw, write, ride bikes or exercise in some other
way, listen to music, etc.
- Take time to listen carefully to their feelings and worries.
- Watch for significant changes in behavior. Stress may be expressed
through increased physical complaints (e.g., stomachaches and headaches),
nightmares, clinginess and difficulty separating (especially in young children),
withdrawal (more likely in older children and adolescents), increased irritability
and susceptibility to tears, and preoccupation with fearful thoughts.
Be aware that it is normal for young children to act out things that are
frightening to them. There may be some increase in violence related
play or talk at all ages but this should lessen over time. Contact
your school psychologist or counselor if you have any questions or concerns.
Return to Home